Fatherhood.
I’ll keep this short and sweet. Here are the 3 Selves that I’ve had to master along my journey through fatherhood:
Selflessness - From the moment my children came into this world I knew there was nothing that could prevent me from exchanging my needs for theirs’. I mean, I would totally risk it all for my baby girls. However my daughters would be the ones to teach me what true selflessness was all about. After seeing me sad and exhausted one day, my youngest looked at me and said “You are always taking care of us but I never see you take care of you—that makes me sad”. It was in that moment that I realized that selflessness did not mean a disregard of self. Instead it meant that I needed to ensure that I was giving them the best version of me everyday. It’s not enough to simply give of yourself, you have to make sure that what you have to give is full and healthy.
Self Control - I have never been tested like this before. This is a totally new level. My daughters have tried my patients, challenged my will and conjured my wrath—all in the same moment, and multiple times I might add. Here’s whats worse, they are not even teenagers yet! On many occasions I have been so overwhelmed by my emotions that I would lash out thinking I’m disciplining them, only to find myself in the same situation a few days later. One day I heard rubbling in my daughter’s room at 11:45 at night. This was strange because their bedtime is 8pm. What I saw when I entered their room was madness. Lotion was everywhere, I mean everywhere—on the walls, in their hair, on the carpet, on the bed, all over their bodies, EVERYWHERE. The bottle was empty and so was my patients. When I looked into their eyes all I could see was innocence. In this moment I realized that I had zero self-control. Before I knew it they were punished and I was in my room steaming. The problem was I don’t think they ever truly knew what for. I learned that before I could be in a position to teach my children anything I needed to master my own emotions and control myself. I learned to step aside, cool down and ensure they knew the lesson in their error before discipline.
Self Awareness - I’ve seen so much of myself in my children—their mannerisms, the way they think, the way they relate to their friends and even the way they love. I could never find a better image of me than the one I see in my girls. It made me strive to be better, sharper, more reliable and trust worthy. I exposed the things I’ve been trying to avoid/hid and forced me to deal with them head on so that I could help guide my children when the come across similar hurdles that I struggled with at their age.
#CarryEverything